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| Sparkler time! |
In my mind, I could see me as a little girl, happy and carefree. Giggling and dancing in the summer breeze, there were times I really did fly. As I spun in circles and closed my eyes, I was soaring high above the ground and hopping from cloud to cloud! And as I tumbled into the cool grass and opened my eyes, I swore I could feel the earth spinning beneath my body.
Nothing seemed impossible in those days, and I couldn’t wait to grow up so I could see the world. Both day and night, my imagination ran wild! I dreamed about rocket ships, deep sea divers, and jungle safaris. I had a LONG list of all the things I wanted to be and planned to do whenever I was an adult, and I was positive I would get to each and every one of them!
Sometimes I wonder how that determined and optimistic little girl grew into me! How did I become so jaded and pessimistic? What happened to my endless imagination and my bright dreams of the future? Is it all gone forever? Or is the girl I used to be still inside me somewhere or active in my dreams at night?
As I watch my own children, so carefree and joyous in their play, I miss that little girl terribly! Most of the time, she feels like a separate entity--like someone that I once knew a long, long ago. I usually only glimpse bits and pieces, fragments of a shattered past. However, once in a while, like today, something triggers a memory buried deep inside, and I can see, hear, and feel her again. It is as though she is alive and well all over again, and my soul wakens in a way it has long forgotten. I feel joy and pure happiness, and my heart is, for a moment, no longer scarred and worn!
I get lost in these moments, so far and in between--so precious, and I stare off into the distance, forgetting for a minute the here and now. But then a giggle or a hug from my children draws me back to the present, reminding me again of how truly I am blessed. At times, I know I’m not the perfect mother, but I take solace in the realization that despite my shortcomings, I have done everything to preserve my children’s innocence and wonder. And I will fight to protect them for as long as I can. If my son and daughter grow up and take with them clear, heartwarming memories of their childhoods, I will know I did part of my job perfectly!
Nothing seemed impossible in those days, and I couldn’t wait to grow up so I could see the world. Both day and night, my imagination ran wild! I dreamed about rocket ships, deep sea divers, and jungle safaris. I had a LONG list of all the things I wanted to be and planned to do whenever I was an adult, and I was positive I would get to each and every one of them!
Sometimes I wonder how that determined and optimistic little girl grew into me! How did I become so jaded and pessimistic? What happened to my endless imagination and my bright dreams of the future? Is it all gone forever? Or is the girl I used to be still inside me somewhere or active in my dreams at night?
As I watch my own children, so carefree and joyous in their play, I miss that little girl terribly! Most of the time, she feels like a separate entity--like someone that I once knew a long, long ago. I usually only glimpse bits and pieces, fragments of a shattered past. However, once in a while, like today, something triggers a memory buried deep inside, and I can see, hear, and feel her again. It is as though she is alive and well all over again, and my soul wakens in a way it has long forgotten. I feel joy and pure happiness, and my heart is, for a moment, no longer scarred and worn!
I get lost in these moments, so far and in between--so precious, and I stare off into the distance, forgetting for a minute the here and now. But then a giggle or a hug from my children draws me back to the present, reminding me again of how truly I am blessed. At times, I know I’m not the perfect mother, but I take solace in the realization that despite my shortcomings, I have done everything to preserve my children’s innocence and wonder. And I will fight to protect them for as long as I can. If my son and daughter grow up and take with them clear, heartwarming memories of their childhoods, I will know I did part of my job perfectly!
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